Female Dumbhead! Oops itz Duo!
by ArtemisFowlCM
Summary: an odd fic dissing duo n zechs...only bad stuff is cross dressing and mild undetailed violence.


Female Dumbhead. Oops! It's Duo! By ArtemisFowlCM June 2000 (Note- I'm gonna make Duo's lines readable for your sake, but really, he can't speellle!)  
  
Lady On the Street: Hello Little Lady. Duo: Why thank you Miss! Sales Lady: Would you like to come in for a complete makeover? Only 50,000 Yen! Duo: Sure! Only 10 Yen! (He can't count.) Sales Lady: Just walk over here. (She leads him to a seat in the store.) Duo: Oh thank you! LATER- (He walks out of the store with his one braid redone neater. A bright pink dress, blue shiny high-heel shoes, red lipstick, and blue and brown fingernails, eye shadow, and blush.) Guy on the Street: Eeek! Oh my gosh! My eyes! My eyes! It's so hideous! Freak rodent! MAN ARE YOU UGLY! Duo: Why thank you Sir. (Saying while curtsying.) And how did you know I was a mole? (The guy runs away screaming.) I must go shopping! (He picks up a blue, flwing gown. He was currently at the local mall.) Ouch! I broke a nail! (He runs over to the Nail Saloon and get a fake nail out on, but this one is green.) Hilde: Hello. Do I know you? Duo: No, I don't think so. Hilde: Okay, sorry to bother you ma'am, but I thought I met the actor who played Frankenstein. Duo: Why thank you for that lovely complement. Did you know I'm from planet Duckie? Hilde: um, No. Duo: Niether does anyone else. Hilde: And how many people have you told this to? (Looking strangely at Duo.) Duo: None. (He said this calmly and seriously.) Hilde: WELL THAT'S WHY YOU FREAK! Duo: Thank you! I enjoy being a freak! Hilde: You are a FREAK! FREAK! (She runs away screaming 'freak.') Duo: What a nice lady! (He walks over to the clerk and buys the dresses.) Clerk: Thank you for shopping here ma'am. Duo: Have a nice day sir! (Duo runs into Zechs.) Zechs: Hello Duo! It's nice to see I'm not the only who looks like a girl today! Duo: How did you know it was me? Zechs: Well, you're always scratching your head and making it snow and when you put your hands behind your head you always check your deodorant. in your own. personal way. Duo: Drats! You're good! It worked on Hilde too! Zechs: How do you like my outfit!? (He was wearing a pink mini-skirt with a white tank top. His nails were done too. of course!) Duo: Brilliant ma'dam! Just brilliant! He he he! Zechs: I know deary, I know! (He said this in a snobby rich British person accent. Then they parted their ways.) Duo: (Running up to WuFei.) Hello psycho Chinese boy! WuFei: Back off Barbie Wannabe! Duo: Wanna make somethin' outta it? WuFei: I would, but I don't fight bleeding hearts or women. Duo: Why I oughtta! How dare you. you. you. you. you. you (Still trying to think of something.) .YOU JACKAL! WuFei: What did you say? So what if you fall under both categories! (He jumped on Duo and started beating him to death.) Zechs: (Noticing Duo and WuFei from a near by Payless Shoes and running over to them.) Get off him! (He grabbed WuFei and tied him up to a near by stop sign with all the shoe laces he had bought. WuFei: (Mumbling just enough to let Zechs and Duo hear what he's saying.) WHAT! A GUY! DUOOOOOO! Zechs: Duo, um, er, you must become more lady-like! Duo: Fine, but he called me a bleeding heart! (Some of his make up was smugged and his hair was sticking up.) WuFei: Women! Women! (Was the correct interpretation of what he was saying with the shoelaces in his mouth.) Duo: Shut up you jackal! So you finally noticed. (WuFei gnawed through the shoelaces. He learned this from the jackals. He kicked Duo all the way up to the local basketball court, hung Duo up to the hoop by his braid and left him there laughing. Zechs walked up and told him to let Duo down and WuFei hung him up there too.) This is all your fault! And now we can't get down! Now I'll never be able to face Hilde again! WWHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAA! (He started crying and his mascara started to run.) Zechs: Ah, shut up! It was your entire fault! You did it first any way! (He smacked the whining Duo. Duo smacked him back. Duo stopped crying and they had a slap-fest, similar to Tifa's. As WuFei watched he found it quite interesting. He video taped it and sent it to Oz. Duo and Zechs still hung then slapping each other and whining from all of the Oz soldiers who kept throwing bows, barrettes, and other assorted hair accessories at them. WuFei was so happy to get revenge that he went to the forest and told Nataku the whole story.) END How did you like it? I hope all Duo fans know to beware for I hate him and am extremely cruel to him in my twisted stories! I don't own these characters..they're copyrighted 2 someone else 


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